Shanghai...With Champagne

Not many people get to travel halfway across the planet to visit the city of the future - Shanghai. What our team found was a Blade Runner-esque city, filled with neon lights and skyscrapers. Most of the rest of the China, on the other hand, couldn't be more different from the United States. While squat toilets (do not touch anything in the bathroom as it probably has urine on it), street pajamas, blood soup, small portions, and the ambiguity of joy and sorrow are the norm here, the opposite societies come together in their love of the deliciousness that is champagne.  One sip and all of a sudden, we and the 1.3 billion Chinese are more alike than I ever thought. Hey there sir, was that a smile? I'm pretty sure that guy just smiled. A toast to you Shanghai, and all of China, for having the brilliance to respect the champagne. And a toast to you, my dear friend, Champagne, for single-handedly, making the world one again.

Sex and the City...With Champagne

There were many negative reviews of the Sex and the City 2 movie circling, before I even had a chance to check it out. I heard it was stupid, full of rich white people problems, sexists, racists, even offensive to women. We decided to check it out anyway, of course opting for the 21+ showing. With a champagne in each hand and maybe a few hidden in the purse, we took our seats, fearing the worse. All I have to say is...we laughed, we cried, we raised our glass (many times), we high fived, we got sshhhh'd, and even wrangled a large girls field trip to the bathroom. To be honest, I'm not sure if I loved the movie or not, mainly because I hardly even remember it. But I sure as hell had a fantastic time with friends. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with champagne. And if you find a champagne to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

Beach...With Champagne

The beach used to be a really serene place to sit back, relax and cool off.

Not anymore! Now it seems to be full of more stress than there are grains of sand on the beach (It's a stretch, I get it)

First, there is that annoying thing called skin cancer. So, we lather up in sticky, greasy lotion every 30 minutes, which is great to do, by the way, just before you lie down by millions of grains of sand. Next there is the heat. It's called Global Warming people. So now, not only are you not cooling down, you are soaking wet. Is that sweat or am I literally melting? But then there's the ocean water to jump in, right? I'm sorry but are you seriously even considering touching that cess pool filling up daily with trash and toxins. Don't get me started on the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.

So, how do we get past the fact that we're killing the earth one beach at a time? You don’t. You do something about it. Be Vocal. Volenteer. Hell, throw money at the problem. Whatever works for you. But in the meantime, nothing helps you forget about your problems more than a big, full glass of champagne. In this case, you may need the whole bottle. Now sit back and enjoy what is left of our great beaches...and don’t look now but I think the Men’s surf team has just arrived.

Dance Floor...With Champagne

You want to dance. But you are just so nervous. Embarrassed that you've never heard that song, nonetheless this entire genre of music. Frightened by the advancement in lighting technology. Sure that your dance moves went out the door years ago. Not even aware that people actually stopped using the term "went out the door" years ago. It's just all too much for one person to handle.
On the contrary, one SOBER person to handle.
All you need to do is get yourself a bottle of champagne. Trust me, you are going to need the whole thing. Now...chug...keep going....the first few sips are always the worst...you got this....one more big gulp and...fuck it, just bring the bottle with you.
Not only are you on the dance floor...but you have just invented your very own dance move. Before you know it, people across the nation will be doing "The Champagne." You officially own the dance floor.
You're so good, you make dance nervous now.

A Daytime Bar...With NO Champagne

Dear Daytime Bar,
I awoke eager and excited, thinking about what the day had in store for us. I had every intention of meeting you, exchanging pleasantries and then getting people shit faced drunk with you.
The moment I arrived at the party, I ran right over to introduce myself, only to find, astonishingly, not one drop of champagne. Not even an empty bottle, to give hope that another bottle may be be waiting in the wings. You left me hopeless, questioning who I was and what was my purpose. Isn't there always champagne for Mimosas? What the fuck am I here for if there is no goddamn champagne?! It's like everything I had been taught about daytime bars, was all wrong.
Yearning for that champagne feeling, I started giving myself away for free, to kids and pregnant women! I felt trapped and pulpy, waking up next to non-alcoholic white sangrias and white wine spritzers. It was absolutely the lowest point in my life.
Feeling parched, sober, and used I eventually left the party.
I'm not asking for an apology, Daytime Bar. I'm asking you to take a good hard look at yourself and what you have potentially become. It's not over, you still have time to change. I'll be here for you when you do. In the meantime, just stay away from the damn cranberry juice. 
Sincerely,
OJ (not the OJ who killed his wife)

The Murray...With Champagne

We have all been taught to start off our wine pairings with the lightest of wines and end with the richer, more full bodied ones. One should actually start with champagne as a pallet cleanser. According to the experts, white wines would be next, followed by the lighter reds and then of course the deeper reds. Really, the only time it is acceptable to then go back to white is to finish off with a sweet dessert wine. To reverse this order would be quite absurd and nit-witted. 
Not according to Bill Murray. A friend of mine happened to be sitting next to him on a 6 hour cross country flight, in first class, of course.
He started the ascent with some red wine. After a few glasses of that, moved on to white wine, lots of white wine. He then finished off his flight, chasing it all down with a few flutes of the airlines finest bubbly.
So thanks to Bill and his determination to get drunk in flight and break all rules of the game, while doing so, we at withchampagne.com have officially deemed red-to-white-to-champagne as "The Murray."
It can be used in sentences such as, "What are you drinking tonight? I'm doing The Murray." and "Man last night was a blast! Last thing I remember was The Murray."
Try it next time you go out. I've seen enough Bill Murray movies to know, you won't be disappointed.

Canadian Women's Hockey...With Champagne

I'd like to dedicate today to the Canadian Women's Hockey team but, if and only if they stop apologizing for their actions. There was, is, and never will be anything wrong with what you did. I'm an American. You kicked our ass.  And I can still say, your instincts were nothing short of breaktaking. You won Gold! And like any good athlete, you attacked the goal, in this case being the bottle of champagne, with dedication and fervor, and didn't stop until you got the job done. The job, this time around, of course being, getting drunk on the ice...With Champagne.
Oh Canada...You've won the gold in my heart as well.

Perfume...With Champagne

Damn! If I knew about this, I'd be smelling like Champagne years ago!
This scent is amazing, but dangerously addicting. This morning I started by spraying myself, ya' know, my skin and clothes, running through the mist shower. However, moments later, in a daze, I'm spraying the couch, the chairs, rugs, and curtains.
Before I know it, I'm in a high speed chase with my cat trying to spray her down with the bottle. True story. It's that good.
Just please don't drink the stuff. It smells better than it tastes.
Not that I would know.  I just heard that...somewhere...on the radio...What?

Chinese New Year...With Champagne

Happy Chinese New Year!
According to the Chinese Calendar, it's officially the year of the Tiger. But I say screw the Tiger.
Is that offensive?
I declare this, the official year of Champagne!!!!!
In all fairness, the description of those born in the year of the Tiger, is not far off from those who drink Champagne:
Tigers are powerful, gracious, independent, bold and brave.
They are friendly and loving.
The Tiger is a natural leader and loves to be the center of attention.
The Tiger has overpowering attraction.
They are well liked because of their charismatic personalities.
They are rebels that go up against authority.
Even if you don’t agree with the beliefs of the tiger you admire his way.
They take risks and are always searching for excitement.
They get bored quite easily.
Tigers live dangerously which often leads to trouble. 
So all you crazy Tigers out there, let's celebrate our year the right way...With Champagne!

Video of the Week...With Champagne

I don't know how, but I totally forgot about Chris Rock's "Champagne" video.  I'm not really quite sure what it does for Champagne...
but it's sure hilarious enough to watch.
One of my many favorite scenes is at 3:07...What the What?!

 Click Here to Watch the Video

Mannequin...With Champagne

Now this is the type of mannequin I would have liked to see come alive in the 1987 classic "Mannequin."  This mannequin would get you behind the velvet rope, no problem. She would gain free entry into the hottest clubs, free VIP access, free swag and most definitely free champagne. And this mannequin doesn't just drink champagne either, she bathes in it. Okay, more like she fills up a bucket and puts one foot in it then glues clear plastic balls all over her body. But then really what's the difference? This is sounding less and less like an interesting movie and more and more like a Friday night in Chelsea, isn't it?