Baby...With Champagne

Anyone who knows me knows that babies just aren't my thing. I have nothing against them. They are tiny, adorable, innocent visions of ourselves. I just don't have that, je ne sais quoi... maternal instinct, I guess. I have to say though, there is something about this baby. I'm unusually drawn to him. I can't really put my finger on it. He just seems cooler than all the rest of them. Like maybe he can hang and just be cool. He probably doesn't even cry. If I had to guess, he probably even changes his own diapers and says things like "Mom, I got this. Go in the kitchen and go fix us some champagne."
Well, It might sound more like "Ba Ba!" But I know what he is saying.
I mean if you think about it, one of the first words that babies attempt to say is "Bottle" so, we shove a bottle of milk in the their mouths. Who in their right mind would want to drink that much milk? What if they are really asking for Champagne? That's what I think.
And that is why I should probably never be a Mother.