Baby...With Champagne

Anyone who knows me knows that babies just aren't my thing. I have nothing against them. They are tiny, adorable, innocent visions of ourselves. I just don't have that, je ne sais quoi... maternal instinct, I guess. I have to say though, there is something about this baby. I'm unusually drawn to him. I can't really put my finger on it. He just seems cooler than all the rest of them. Like maybe he can hang and just be cool. He probably doesn't even cry. If I had to guess, he probably even changes his own diapers and says things like "Mom, I got this. Go in the kitchen and go fix us some champagne."
Well, It might sound more like "Ba Ba!" But I know what he is saying.
I mean if you think about it, one of the first words that babies attempt to say is "Bottle" so, we shove a bottle of milk in the their mouths. Who in their right mind would want to drink that much milk? What if they are really asking for Champagne? That's what I think.
And that is why I should probably never be a Mother.

Baby Shower...With Champagne

Baby Showers are fun. Usually more fun for those who enjoy babies, baby things, and baby talk. I usually make a B-line for the bartender, "Champagne Please." This usually helps get me through the multiple introductions of newly pregnant friends, and friends of friends. "Another Champagne, Thanks." Much easier now to coast through the games and activities. "Another Champagne? Sure, why not?" Time for my favorite drinking game. I drink every time someone "oohs" or "ahhs" during the opening of the gifts. Wait for it... Wait for it..."Oh My God! Look how small those booties are!!!" "Champagne, please. I'm not driving"
Do I want kids, you ask. Of course! I Love Champa...Children.