Heaven...With Champagne

Where is this?
How do I get there?
Is this what heaven is like?
No, right? There would be more champagne in Heaven.
I'm pretty sure in Heaven, the ocean would be made of champagne. The stars would be champagne bubbles that pop and sprinkle champagne down upon you. Oh wait...There is no heaven. And even if there was, I'm such a bad girl, that I would never make it there. But the thought of all this is kinda making me feel a little tipsy so I'm kind of just enjoying it all. But we are getting off topic. The topic being:
"Where is this and how the hell do I get there?"

Crate & Barrel...With Champagne

Dear Crate & Barrel,
I commend you on trying to sell your champagne flutes, with your catchy title, a colorful back drop, fake ice cubes, and of course, the fake empty bottle of champagne.
But unfortunately, this is not how you sell champagne glasses C&B. Where's the fun? Where's the celebration? Where's the god damn party? Listen, if I am going to drop $3.95 on champagne flutes (and a lot of them) & $49.95 on a bottle chiller, you better make sure a good time is going to be had by all. We need to take this display to the next level. I'm talking, multiple bottles, some empty, some full, and some just plain knocked over. We need party hats, pickle platters, pinatas. I'd throw in free tastings, free massages, free lap dances. Make it interactive.  This is champagne we are talking about, not your grandma's fruit punch.
And speaking of grandmothers, mine had better drapes than whatever crap you have hanging there. Cheers!

No plus one...With Champagne

I'd like to take this time to apologize to Katie & Nicholas, for a friend of mine, who does not remember anything about your wedding. It's not her fault though, I swear. Here's the story: So she was sitting alone, with no plus one, at a very bland table, at a very suburban wedding, minding her own damn business, when all of a sudden, all the couples at the table (everyone but her) started attacking like vultures. Asking questions about whats it's like being 30 and single, like only some rare and sad breed of Human can exist in such a way.
"Where do you even meet someone at this point?"
No joke. Someone seriously asked this question.
One gal, she was probably 25 and a mother of 3, attempted to come to her aid, "Christiansingles.com is a great place to meet people."
Not a moment passed before my friend politely removed herself from the table and bellied up to the bar, where she proceeded to drink...
Now I'd like to make this clear, This wasn't because she should feel sorry for herself. It's quite the opposite. It was a time to rejoice in the fact that she was nothing like these people. And truth be told, She never really was alone. Isn't that right Mr. Bubbly?........he doesn't talk much.

A Raisin...With Champagne

I know what you're thinking. What on earth does a raisin have to do with champagne...well besides the fact of course that wine comes from grapes and raisins are just dried grapes and some wines such as Amarone are created from dried grapes so raisins and wine and thus champagne have a lot in common...but I digress. So as I was saying, aside from the obvious... I bet you didn't know that if you drop a raisin in a glass of fresh champagne, it will bounce up and down continuously, from the bottom of the glass, all the way to the top.

Click here to see for yourself!

Shanghai...With Champagne

Not many people get to travel halfway across the planet to visit the city of the future - Shanghai. What our team found was a Blade Runner-esque city, filled with neon lights and skyscrapers. Most of the rest of the China, on the other hand, couldn't be more different from the United States. While squat toilets (do not touch anything in the bathroom as it probably has urine on it), street pajamas, blood soup, small portions, and the ambiguity of joy and sorrow are the norm here, the opposite societies come together in their love of the deliciousness that is champagne.  One sip and all of a sudden, we and the 1.3 billion Chinese are more alike than I ever thought. Hey there sir, was that a smile? I'm pretty sure that guy just smiled. A toast to you Shanghai, and all of China, for having the brilliance to respect the champagne. And a toast to you, my dear friend, Champagne, for single-handedly, making the world one again.